Mom Rage
I recently listened to a podcast where the two hosts—both moms and parenting experts—mentioned and described the concept of “Mom Rage.” It resonated with me; something clicked inside me.
You’ve been a mom for maybe a few months, maybe a few years. And every once in a while, your baby does something that pushes you past your limits, refusing to do what you say or want. Before you can stop it, you feel a wave of heat rising up your back, creeping up your neck, and surging higher—like a tornado consuming your entire head. And the only way to survive it is to scream.
That scream is a release, an overflow from a bucket where too many emotions, feelings, and frustrations have been repressed. That scream isn’t just because your jeans didn’t fit that morning or because your boss made an unpleasant comment. It’s not only about your partner walking through the door without even looking at you while the house is a total mess...
That bucket is full of RAGE.
And it didn’t start today. It’s not because of the jeans.
And it didn’t even start with your child.
This is what parenting experts Lael Stone and Marion Rose call "Mom Rage."
Long before having children of their own, many women were already in caretaking roles—mothering siblings, grandparents, or other family members. Many had to take care of their younger brothers and sisters, parent a depressed or alcoholic parent, tend to a sick aunt, or protect a vulnerable parent from an angry partner.
And, of course, this isn’t exclusive to women. I’m sure "Dad Rage" exists too. In households without girls, boys often took on the same responsibilities—trying to keep their mother happy, making sure their younger sibling didn’t injure themselves while playing, or desperately seeking love and acceptance from an emotionally unavailable father.
That rage has been accumulating since childhood, and now it’s bursting.We have our own kids, but we’re already exhausted from a lifetime of “taking care” of others.
In my own moments of Mom Rage, how many times have I found myself saying, “I can’t do everything! It’s too much!”—and my personal favorite, “I’m not perfect!!” (What a revelation!) But the truth is, it’s not now that it’s too much. I’ve been carrying the weight of responsibilities since I was five (to say a number)...
Because, let’s be honest—when we strip parenting down to its essentials, what do kids truly need? Love and play. That means just a few fundamental things: meeting their basic needs—food, water, shelter, a dry diaper—and their emotional needs—playing with them, listening to them, seeing them, sharing love and appreciation.
That’s not too much. Not at all. But let’s be honest again—who is doing only that? Who is lucky enough to having to do ONLY these things?
Along with playing and spending time with our kids, we also have to “take care” (interesting how the word care is embedded in this phrase) of the house, the job, the food, the in-laws—and, if possible, make those jeans fit better than ever. And always last on the list? Taking care of our romantic relationship. “What’s that?” some may ask. 😄
And the most surprising part of that particular scream? It has little to do with your baby, with what she did or didn’t do! The baby merely guided you to this moment, where you can finally release some of the rage that has reached dangerous limits today. Because kids are amazing: They sense subtle emotions and energies that we may have long been disconnected from. And because they can’t express what they feel, they behave in ways that frustrate us—simply because they, too, don’t understand what’s happening.
They just feel that something is off with you. And so they start: throwing food from their plate onto your new carpet, climbing the closet and crashing down with a loud noise—right after you repeatedly screamed from the kitchen, “Don’t climb the closet! You’ll fall and hurt yourself!” And, of course, he did.
Kids are amazing! They are so sincere, so joyful, so emotional—and such great therapists. If only we paid them more attention and gave them more of our time, we could learn so much about ourselves! Because many of us have forgotten that we, too, were once kids.
But the best part? That childlike version of ourselves is still there. It never left. So, let’s bring it out to play—right alongside our kids! Right now, in the middle of jeans that don’t fit, bills that need to be paid, soup burning on the stove, and emails piling up in your inbox.
Because as the days pass, life reminds us: “No pasa nada”—nothing is really wrong. Life goes on. But at least, in the midst of it all, we had some joy and playfulness with our children: our inner child and the kids right in front of us.
Coming back to “Mom and Dad Rage,” I wonder if you’re familiar with it.
Aside from the invitation to be more present—and, of course, to go outside and run, walk, or swim to let off steam—I don’t have many suggestions. I don’t even want to give you tips or advice. I just wanted to share this idea because once you become aware of something, it’s hard to unsee it.
Personally, I found it incredibly helpful to know about Mom rage, so I can:
- Remind myself that I’m not alone.
- Reassure myself that I’m not the worst mother on the planet.
- Practice more compassion toward myself.
Sunny hugs from Valencia, Andreea
